It was actually a nice day.

So, for the first time in 7 years, my birthday was uniformly great. I heard from all sorts of people who I love and adore, and some who I hadn't heard from in a loooooooooong time, and Someone Who's Real Cute baked me a yellow cake with chocolate frosting. No one has baked me a cake since I was like 5 and it was so sweet and also tasty. He also got me this and we played with it, shot a roll of film and dropped it off to be developed. However, I had no idea how expensive printing it is! The film is medium format and there are 12 or 16 shots on a roll, depending, and it's $20 just for a contact sheet, and even worse, $3 for each print. EACH! So I told the guy in the camera shop to just develop the negatives. The camera is finnicky, has a ton of light leaks, perhaps most importantly the entire back fell off of it at one point. So it's possible that nothing will come out. Which would be sad. But I have lots of film and I am really excited to learn how to use this camera and make real photos with it. I'm thinking about taking it to Israel, I think it would be a good thing. I am also thinking that turning my bathroom into a darkroom would be a reallllly good idea, considering the price of developing, etc. At least I could process the film on my own and then decide what to print. Finally, having no window in my bathroom has a benefit.

I normally hate my birthday for understandable reasons, but I really took efforts to turn that around, and I think that it actually paid off. Mind over matter, I suppose. To further that point, I'm actually having a party this year. I am a small bit nervous that no one will come, a point being furthered by a possibly imminent transit strike, but even if there is a strike I am hoping that no matter who comes it will be a good time. Even if it's a small party, a party is a party and it will be fun. I am trying to keep a good outlook on these things. I think I just am thinking too hard about it because I am bored. Someone recently told me that they think it is harder to be bored at work than to be busy and engaged. I would certainly agree with that. But next Tuesday will mark one year since I started this job, and hopefully things will begin to work for me as I'd like them to here.

Here's to another year, I know this one will be even better than the last.

Ugh

And I just got cat call number four. I didn't kick the dude, as promised, since he was SIGNIFICANTLY larger than I was, but I did scream the shit out of him.

What is with today, today, people?! GOD DAMN.

Ew, take two.

I've been cat called 3 times already today, each one more icky than the last. If I hear one more comment about my "hot ass" I'm gonna kick said offender in the balls. To that end, see the above link.

Ew

Being lazy, I did not eat breakfast in my apartment this morning, I ate it at work. A little yogurt a little granola, a little honey, life is good, right? Wrong. The yogurt definitely spent the weekend next to veggie cream cheese, and took on its flavor. Gross. I never want to eat again.

-Post cut short, big boss just arrived from Atlanta.

At least it was something to do

I got an email yesterday telling me that I had until today to fill out my employee self-review, which came as news to me, since I thought I had done it months ago. I just spent an hour on it, being really thoughtful and trying to make myself sound super duper, only to be told by a co-worker that we were erroniously copied on a CNN email. Super. As annoying as doing that was, it was nice to have something to do. In a similar vein, I applied to a job off Craig's List yesterday, for a position at a new network devoted to food and I wrote this cover letter that tried to convey how super I am, we'll see if it worked. I mean, it was witty, snarky in all the right spots, and well written. Hopefully, something will come of it. (bonus: even if I don't get a job, somewhere else to get my cooking show fix while that dumb bitch Rachael Ray is on foodtv.) But both of these things just remind me that I really do enjoy writing and it would be great if I could get a job that would allow me to think creatively and do something productive with my time. I think that's all I need to be satisfied just something that lets me feel stimulated from time to time. I mean, that and a $20,000 pay raise would be super, too.

But, at least it's Friday. I don't have any definite plans for this weekend, I got an email from the Brooklyn crew about a concert over there tonight, which might be fun. All these thoughts about a birthday and who I would invite has really made me realize that while I haven't made any super close friends in the city, and certainly no friends at work, I do have a whole lot of random friends all over the city who I would love to see at any given time. I need to be more proactive about making plans with people. I don't ever really feel lonely, which admitedly is largely thanks to S (and believe me I don't know what I would do without him), but I don't think it would be a bad thing if I tried to make what is now mostly casual friendships into a few that are a bit more concrete. It's funny, while I was at Smith, I often found myself thinking or saying that I really didn't need any more friends, I felt that I had enough, and was more than satisfied with who I had. And those friendships still are among my closest and my best. Sadly, they're all in Boston, or in some cases even further. I don't feel that cliche that people often do about being in the center of the universe and feeling all alone, thankfully, but I think that getting myself a bit more together on the friends front is certainly within the realm of possibility for me. Not a bad thing, no? So, onto another weekend, and another chance at some fun in the city. And with new glasses, to boot. Life's good.

Let's make it interactive!

Okay, now that my cover has been blown, and Kate has linked my ass on her blog, it's time to make this bitch interactive. I figure that my readership will go from Sean and Rena (Rena is even questionable) to whoever is attentive to kate's links. So here's the issue: I have approximately 15 days until I turn 23. Gag. I'm too young to be 23. But, that brings up the eternal question-What do I want for my birthday???

Here are my thoughts thus far:

A long down coat to keep my ass warm so I dont' get any more colds
A new ipod (which can be traded in for cash to be used toward loose women and liquor with Dmo)
Money for Israel (totally unoriginal and unnecessary)

Ok. Those are all of my ideas. I don't really like any of them, with the exception of the first, but I hate asking for clothes for my birthday. I enjoy getting something frivolous and useless which i would never ever ask for otherwise. Although a floor length down coat does fit within those parameters.

So here's part two of this question (and where my birthday being in December comes in handy):
What are YOU asking for for Christmas? Inspire me!

And Part 3: anyone know any good bars for throwing a birthday fete at? Keep in mind, this is going to be my first real birthday party since I was 16 and I want it to be chill.

Okay, interactive. let's go!

Smooth

I came to work today with my shirt on backwards. But at least the dude giving out the free newspapers on Christopher Street said I look cheerful. I do so enjoy being a mess.

But...in a moment of non-messiness, pictures from the wedding, at which Sean and I looked impeccably put together. (PS-on the first one, what's with the guy looking at me?)

Friday!

Finally this very odd week is almost over. I feel like I was tricked into coming today. Stupid Action saying he's not coming and then saying he's coming and then getting to work this morning and having a voicemail that he wasn't coming, so ridiculous. I was on the subway this morning and thought to myself "there's going to be a voicemail from him when you get there." I could have stayed in bed. I should have stayed in bed. Whatever, I'll just leave early, take a nap, clean my apartment for when Stinky comes tomorrow and then go out and have fun. I'm looking foward to seeing Vickie again, and who doesn't love a night of East Village bar hopping? I'm just writing in this because it's too early for anyone else to be online, or even awake. This is just cruel and unusual punishment, this job. But the Turner jobs website seems to be working again and I've been applying for new things for the last couple days. Hopefully, one will pull through. That would be great.
Okay, I'm ready to go home and get back into bed.

Would you still love me....

This just needs to be posted, and it's best when it's shown without ANY explanation whatsoever.

I love Grad School.

So, as promised, I went and bought a GRE book last night. I went with S to shake shack, fortified myself with cheeseburgers against the impending stress and went to B&N and bought myself a GRE prep book. Hundreds of pages of math problems, practice tests, and vocab words. But the grad school application process is now a group effort and I look foward to studying like mad while S makes the internet his bitch. I'm feeling good about the prospect of this, but I'm still not going to start studying until this afternoon.

This might require a lot of cheeseburgers.

My desk makes me anxious

I'm so conflicted about my future. But only in the employment sense. At this point, I really feel like it's impossible for me to find a job in which I'll really be happy. So I want to go to grad school, because I just don't feel like a BA is enough to really be successful, which is insane if you think about it, and I don't know if that's really true, or if I'm just a striver. I really miss the academic environment, and I hate that the most stimulation that I get out of a workday is doing a crossword puzzle online. I didn't think it was possible to miss have course readers, but I do. So eventually, grad school it is. But that requires taking the GRE, right? And I haven't taken math since high school. That's like, a lifetime ago. So how am I going to get into grad school if I have a crap GRE score? So I keep not taking it, because I'm petrified of math, but the longer I wait, the more I forget that a squared + b squared = c squared. Actually, that's about the only math I remember at this point. And then, even if I do apply, what if I don't get in? And then I'm really stuck in a boring job forever. See, this is what really gets to me, I feel like I'm stuck in this horrible environment, and I hate it, but I don't know how to get out of it, because I don't know what I ultimately want to do, so even grad school is just pushing this same feeling off, I will come back to it in three years. Like going to Tisch is even going to get me out of this. It's feelings like this that just make me want to jump ship, leave NY altogether. I guess all I can do is buy a gre book and prepare. I guess that would be a good thing to do while I'm bored at work, since I have all day to do whatever I want. I could just sit and study, it would help with the boredom, I guess. So maybe that's a plan. Go down to borders, buy a book, study while I'm bored, take it, get in to Tisch, and not worry what I'm going to do with my life for the next three years.

But then, which Tisch program do I apply to? The cinema studies one, which basically means that I have to become a professor, since I can't think of what else I would do, or the film preservation one, which sounds like so much fun, and spend my life in a museum with old movies. Oh, that pretty much sounds perfect, right? I don't know, that's what I've been thinking this week, that I want to spend the rest of my life playing with old film. It just sounds so interesting, and gratifying, and perfect.

I should buy a GRE book. I'll do that today.

Who's dumber? The terrorists or the police? Let's find out!

There were cops in the subway this morning checking people's bags, supposedly. The table aws clean and it looked as if they hadn't stopped anyone for a while. They looked at me funny but let me go.

Do they really think the West Village homos are a threat?

The whole thing is ridiculous. I have found that I'm often bracing myself for the worst while at work. And not from Action, either.

How's that for a first real post?

That's my face!

pic08-1
Originally uploaded by smee32.