Jealousy rears its ugly head

No, not over someone's apartment, or job, but instead, over the stomach flu. That's right, puke your brains out stomach flu.

I woke up this morning and my dad had sent me an email telling me he wasn't coming in to work today because he had the stomach flu. My first reaction? Not, oh I hope he feels better, but oh that lucky bitch, he gets to stay home from work today. I don't even care that if I had a stomach flu I would feel like hell, it would STILL be preferrable to being here.

I feel very trapped here. Prospects for a new job are not forthcoming, and although it seems like the trip to Europe is more and more likely, waking up every day and coming into work is getting harder and harder. And I didn't think that was possible.

I really don't know if it's possible to be happy at a job. Honestly, I've never had a job where I felt like I could spend long amounts of time doing what I was doing. I'm always bored, or unhappy, or something.

I randomly spoke to someone in HR on Friday, and she offered to pass my resume around, but this stresses me out because if she somehow manages to get me a job elsewhere within the company, what happens to Europe? Because that's what I really want to do. I need to get out of here. But when I come back I have all of these expenses to take care of. And paying my exorbitant rent becomes a problem when I don't have a job. So oh well. I guess we'll just have to wait and see, I guess.

But yeah, my brain is a bit of a jumbeled mess at the moment, because all these options are continually bouncing around, and I would really love for everything to miraculously resolve itself, but I don't think it's happening.

I guess this might count as the beginnings of a quarter life crisis, but I don't know, and I don't care, qualifying what it is doesn't interest me, resolving it does.

So I guess I'll try to get on that.