I love Grad School.

So, as promised, I went and bought a GRE book last night. I went with S to shake shack, fortified myself with cheeseburgers against the impending stress and went to B&N and bought myself a GRE prep book. Hundreds of pages of math problems, practice tests, and vocab words. But the grad school application process is now a group effort and I look foward to studying like mad while S makes the internet his bitch. I'm feeling good about the prospect of this, but I'm still not going to start studying until this afternoon.

This might require a lot of cheeseburgers.

My desk makes me anxious

I'm so conflicted about my future. But only in the employment sense. At this point, I really feel like it's impossible for me to find a job in which I'll really be happy. So I want to go to grad school, because I just don't feel like a BA is enough to really be successful, which is insane if you think about it, and I don't know if that's really true, or if I'm just a striver. I really miss the academic environment, and I hate that the most stimulation that I get out of a workday is doing a crossword puzzle online. I didn't think it was possible to miss have course readers, but I do. So eventually, grad school it is. But that requires taking the GRE, right? And I haven't taken math since high school. That's like, a lifetime ago. So how am I going to get into grad school if I have a crap GRE score? So I keep not taking it, because I'm petrified of math, but the longer I wait, the more I forget that a squared + b squared = c squared. Actually, that's about the only math I remember at this point. And then, even if I do apply, what if I don't get in? And then I'm really stuck in a boring job forever. See, this is what really gets to me, I feel like I'm stuck in this horrible environment, and I hate it, but I don't know how to get out of it, because I don't know what I ultimately want to do, so even grad school is just pushing this same feeling off, I will come back to it in three years. Like going to Tisch is even going to get me out of this. It's feelings like this that just make me want to jump ship, leave NY altogether. I guess all I can do is buy a gre book and prepare. I guess that would be a good thing to do while I'm bored at work, since I have all day to do whatever I want. I could just sit and study, it would help with the boredom, I guess. So maybe that's a plan. Go down to borders, buy a book, study while I'm bored, take it, get in to Tisch, and not worry what I'm going to do with my life for the next three years.

But then, which Tisch program do I apply to? The cinema studies one, which basically means that I have to become a professor, since I can't think of what else I would do, or the film preservation one, which sounds like so much fun, and spend my life in a museum with old movies. Oh, that pretty much sounds perfect, right? I don't know, that's what I've been thinking this week, that I want to spend the rest of my life playing with old film. It just sounds so interesting, and gratifying, and perfect.

I should buy a GRE book. I'll do that today.