Just so no one thinks I'm still deaf

After getting to work n Monday and realizing it was going to be impossible to function, I went to my doctor, who looked in my ear, freaked out, and refused to touch it. Let alone the other one. Good use of a $15 copay. She then made me an appointment for later that afternoon with an ENT (also known as an Otolaryngologist - fucking great word) further uptown (but thankfully still on the West Side) so I went back to work for a couple hours, where I continued to convince myself that I was going to be deaf for the rest of my life. And made up obscene sign language with my friends.

So I get to the ENT, do the prerequisite waiting, and finally see the doctor. Who still talks too fast to really hear, which I don't understand, because this is her job, right? And she should be compassionate to my deafness? Either way, she gets the gist of what's going on and busts out what is essentially a vacuum cleaner, with a really small tube. Guess where that goes. Let the healing begin! Or sucking? Sucking. It was loud, and took a while (look, there was a lot of gunk, ok?), and let me tell you, when pointy metal things touch the inside of your ear further down than a q-tip could ever dream of going, it HURTS. So, of course, I tear up because I am a pussy, and the doctor freaks and stops. And I'm like, please finish this, and she's like no, I was just being extra thorough, and we basically go around in circles and she won't finish the job, but tells me it's basically done anyway. And then she starts inquisiting me about my nose, being all like 'are you stuffy? You sound congested' to which I think, 'duh, bitch, you just made me cry!' But I shouldn't be mean, she was actually really awesome and I can hear now. Anyway, she decides she needs to look around my nose, so spritzes this stuff up it and goes in with a camera. Now THIS freaks me out and makes me flash back to that time when I was like 4 and an ENT stuck a camera up my nose and all the way down my throat. Good thing I had already been crying, because there was no way this was happening easily. But it was actually relatively quick, despite the trauma, and I learned that I have a deviated septum. Which is really just such a shame. A Jewish girl, with a LEGIT deviated septum, who loves her nose. What are the odds, people!??!?



PS the new computer (specifically it's backlit keyboard, is AWESOME for posting at the asscrack of dawn when it's too dark to see in here.